I've had a hard time putting my thoughts down lately.
I've got the thoughts. But not the patience to get them out and in words.
And then, last night, I had the most terrible night.
Somewhere in my head, I got the idea that if I closed my eyes, I would not wake up. That going to sleep meant saying "Goodbye" to my BEAUTIFUL Family.
And that, I could not bear. So I DIDN'T close my eyes. And I DIDN'T sleep. Which only made things worse. Because then, it turned into a stress induced psychosis.
But a couple of WONDERFUL things came out of it.
1) I had that opportunity which many people miss to say the things I would say if I would never see my Babies and my Husband again. All of those things I NEEDED them to know, are now on paper.
2) I look at life COMPLETELY different now. The HARDEST day is better than not being here. And it makes me love and cuddle more, and yell and pick less.
I am so grateful for a night where I got to live like I was dying.
And so grateful to be here to live the life I would have missed!
