Balance

Balance. We WREAK of it. But the catch is:

 You have to around for the bad AND the good to see any balance. So those who are too weak to stick out the bad, will never see the good.....etc.

We have BAD moments. And we have GOOD moments. Sometimes one the next immediately. Sometimes it takes time but I will no more apologize for the bad than I will the good.

One problem many people have is that they FEAR darkness. FEAR anything uncomfortable. Let me promise you, if you cannot handle the Dark , true light is too bright for you. Don't embrace darkness. But acknowledge it exists.... IN YOU!!! EVERYONE has darkness in them. And hopefully you have at least as much light as you do dark.

My tattoo....that I will NEVER regret getting, has Libra's scales. And in one side is a freaking star to represent darkness, and in the other is a sun to represent light.

I have the immense ability to love. And the ability to kill a person. Both babe me a good mother. Because with that ability to love my children thoroughly, comes the ability to kill someone who threatens them.

This one's for me

We're having another baby girl. And this one's for me. And for the first time, there will be rules. NO picture sharing except by me. It's likely only certain people will even be notified when she comes. Her blessing will be invite only.

Awful? Yes. Necessary? Unfortunately.

But no one except David and I are entitled to her. And we're tired of sharing with people who don't value her.

It's not a matter of forgiveness

There are people who are constantly abusive in my life. They can tell when I'm fed up, and they give me a nibble so that I don't cut ties. And then they go back to their passive-aggressive leading and baiting.

I have a list 14 years long of their offenses seared in my head. NOT because I'm frail minded, but because if I don't, they'll be allowed to continue. And it breaks me every time they play their game.

I truly believe that THEY truly believe that they are pulling one over on me....or, they genuinely may be past the point of caring.

Either way, it's generational. Grandparents, parents, children....even many of the spouses the children have picked ALL do it.

They have me pegged wrong. I'm not their toy.

And I'm not cut from the same cloth.

They don't have to say their sorry to gain forgiveness, but continuing to cut the same hole doesn't ever let it heal.

I'm a "Chicken Person"

If you haven't seen The Meddler, see it!!!!

The main male character says he's a "Chicken Person.... like some people are cat or dog people, He's a Chicken Person."

And who would've guessed.  I am too.

And I. LOVE. OUR. CHICKENS.

Our Orpingtons are gorgeous, funny birds.  One of them came with a tag on her from her previous owner. And I noticed yesterday that it was cutting into her leg.  We decided to cut it off.  And in the process, it cut into her :-(  Chickens can be terrible to eachother.  And a bleeding limb can be disasterous.  So, when it bled, we doctored it.  It now has neosporin and a Minions bandaid on it so it can heal with out being exacerbated.

And she's so funny hopping around the yard with her bandaid on.  It hasn't been bothered with it or anything. <3

Then, One of our younger Chickens was being chased by the bigger ones.  And she FLEW.  Not jumped, FLEW out of the chicken run into the playhouse in our backyard.

Blogging It's my new FB ;-)

Facebook Frustrates me. 400 people are on my "Friends" List.  50 People care about my life.  But I'm too passive/agressive right now to delete the other 350.

I've been complimented at least twice this month on my STRENGTH.

And The fact is, I'm a coward.

And I. HATE. COWARDICE.

I attended a Funeral today for Tirrell Felton.  He was in David's Unit in the Army Reserves 12 years ago.  They were deployed to Colorado together.  And I will NEVER forget his showing up to move us out of our apartment. And I'll never forget how he just packed up our room and shipped it out.

We then attended a marriage retreat a year later with him and his wife.

He made enough of an impact that last spring I saw him in a parking lot after not seeing him for 11 years, and Knew him immediately. David had stayed connected.  I however had not.  But I'm fortunate to have remedied that immediately.  I've interacted a bit with him since then, and was SHOCKED to hear of his sudden death last week.

And something clicked inside me.  And when I went to pick up the kids from my Mom, I refused to take any more of her TERRIBLY abusive lack of parenting.

That thing inside of me that clicked has been turning for a week or so, and I'm learning what it means.

And it's one more piece in the puzzle of my life.  Like the Empath and Autism revelations.

And this piece tells me that I was placed here to be a FORCE to be reckoned with.

NOT to back down.  NOT to cower.  Because My Children NEED a STRONG force of a Mother.  NOT to abuse them.  But to teach them and stand up for them.

Weekly update #1

David found several Halliburton job listings is Kuwait, and Indonesia.  He is quite qualified for all.  We'll see.

We have 3 sweet new baby chicks.  Raven is a Jersey Black Giant, Thunder is a Rhode Island Red, and Honey is an Easter Egger (Americana).  Honey is the youngest, and easiest to pick up.  Raven is the biggest, and freaks out the most when I try to pick her up.

Jacob got Chicken Pox from my mom :-(  (She has shingles)  Right or wrong, we rushed the girls all in to be vaccinated IMMEDIATELY.  We'll see if it helps.

I spoke with a National Guard recruiter yesterday.  National Guard cannot guarantee DS School.  Looks like that is not the route to go.  He said Reserves has a whole unit devoted to DS.  So, looks like that is the next step.

My heart is full

Today as I sit in a sacrament meeting that it's not my home ward, I feel so filled. I'm so grateful for a quiet moment to feel thoughts that I can't when things are loud.

Sometimes I feel so superior. Sometimes I feel so inferior. I am grateful at moments like this to know that I'm equal. If My Father listens to one, he listens to all. I just pray that I can rise up to MY full stature.
Not above anyone else.
I feel so blessed to know at this moment that have all I need. There are no blessings missing from my life at this moment in time. And THAT is what matters. Not tomorrow. Not yesterday.
I have a good Husband. Beautiful children. Our sweet pets. Our lovely home. I have the  truth. I have completed all of the ordinances required of me to be with My Family forever.
TODAY, my life is as full as ANYONE could want.